Elliott Smith died on October 21, 2003, at the age of 34. It was my understanding that he committed suicide. He died from two stab wounds to the chest. Reading his wikipedia article, I was surprised to learn that there is at least some doubt about whether or not it was suicide. The Los Angeles police declared the autopsy inconclusive. The case remains open. In reading the article, it's hard to believe Elliott Smith did not commit suicide. He had a long history of extreme depression, anxiety, paranoia and drug addiction. My quick internet search me convinced he died by his own hands. Of course, I could be wrong.
Like many others, but not all, I was introduced to Elliott Smith's music through Good Will Hunting, the movie and soundtrack that featured five of his songs, including the song Angeles. Angeles hurts to listen, it soaks blood, it leaves readers in a universe of tension between the luck of the draw and the scientific skill involved in the quest for love.
For all the lonely, shy geniuses out there playing music on a stage that fills you with horrific fear, my wish for you is only that you find peace. On or off stage. Your music may be beautiful. But your life is more valuable.
Sometimes the pain is so deep and terrible, there is only one end. Inevitable, we who can bare our lives watch as our loved ones, whether they be far or near, choose to end things on their terms, even if the terms, the words, the phrases, the decisions are impossible to make sense of, irrational, delusional. They make the decision. We suffer. They suffered.
My heart is open, delusional and feeling the pain as I listen to this ghost song on repeat. Angeles. As in, Los Angeles? I don't know. The city of angels takes another addict into a heaven that only exists in the music that remains.
"and be forever with my poison arms around you"
with love for all that is done to prevent suicide (1-800-273-8255 - national suicide prevention hotline),
Anthony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La8Y6n0oqz0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMSU4QDbdew
someone's always coming around here trailing some new kill
says i seen your picture on a hundred dollar bill
what's a game of chance to you, to him is one of real skill
so glad to meet you
angeles
picking up the ticket shows there's money to be made
go on and lose the gamble that's the history of the trade
did you add up all the cards left to play to zero
and sign up with evil
angeles
don't start me trying now
cos i'm all over it
angeles
i could make you satisfied in everything you do
all your 'secret wishes' could right now be coming true
and be forever with my poison arms around you
no one's gonna fool around with us
no one's gonna fool around with us
so glad to meet you
angeles
(Lyrics courtesy of http://www.sweetadeline.net/langeles.html)
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