Whereas, when I listen to Jay-Z and Kanye West’s song “Nig**s in Paris” it becomes clear to me that I am the greatest, hardest, dopest rapper to ever live.
"I don't even know what that means!"
Whereas, no other rapper has ever reached the heights of my genius, both in terms of lyricism and beak-making. I make my beats, too. They are amazing.
Whereas, FUCK I’m so FUCKING HARD. I pop a glock in the building, at the club, damaging a motherfucker’s reputation. You can’t rap, dude.
Whereas, if there was a rapping competition, I would win.
Whereas, Eminem is the weakest fucking rapper in the world because he is white.
Whereas, I am white, and I am the best motherfukcing rapper to ever live. That’s right bitch, better than, you ready for this, Tupac, Biggie, Jay-Z, Kanye, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick, KRS dash one, Common, Salt n’ Pepper, all the Roots (more like the Shrubs), the whole motherfucking weak ass Sugar Hill gang, Snoop, the Dog Pound, Dre (is he even on this list?), every confusing member of the Wu-Tang Clan and all their bitch ass aliases, Nas (more like Nah), EPMD, and all these soft motherfuckers: Tribe Called Quest, De La Soul, Arrested Development?!, Kid Cudi (Kid Crappy), the Beastie Boys, Aesop Rock, the Nonce, AC Alone, Del the Funky Homosapien, and Paper Boy.
Whereas, I give respect to Public Enemy, NWA and the 2 Live Crew. But they are still pussies when compared to the deep motherfucking thoughts that I espouse in the form of rhymed venom. I am greater than Public Enemy and their political audio war on white capitalist pigs. I am greater than NWA as a whole and in all its parts; I am greater than “Fuck the Police”. I am more clever, vulgar, beastly and enjoyable than 2 Live Crew at its greatest moment.
Whereas, Nicki Minaj is the second best rapper ever. Her verse in Kanye's song "Monster" is the greatest non-mine verse ever. Amazing. But I am better.
Whereas, I live a lifestyle of grandeur. You live in the same boring circles as a hamster. I pop bottles, I date models, I cry in puddles, I own a beagle, I fly to Paris, I got more days off than Ferris. I got more cream than a Starbucks wet dream. Do I have more ends than an elder man spends on his piss problem? well that depends, no it don’t, I am the richest man in the world and he’s a just a pauper with a paper diaper.
Whereas, like the Golden State Warriors, I am the greatest rap institution of all time. I love the motherfucking Golden State Warriors!!! DAMN!
Whereas, I’m the most interesting man in the world. Fuck dose-eckies. and marc ecko and tommy hillfiger and you: high self esteem rapper, like Drake.
Whereas, my samples are more creative and funnier and better than Kanye’s at slowed, regular and sped up speed.
Whereas, coming from the hood I was raised in, Albany Hill, it’s a miracle I’m still alive. I got through schools where occasionally there were fights. I lived on a hill where you could get a motherfucking traffic ticket for not fully stopping at the stop sign. I lived with the constant threat that my father would be upset that I wasn’t doing my homework. FUCK THAT. I DIDNT DO MY HOMEWORK, OCCASIONALLY.
Whereas, I am so fucking strong, like physically, like ESPN late night strongest man re-runs. Is that Emerson Samoliovich dude ever gonna beat me? No. I pull the big rigs with my teeth, I flip huge tires, I throw barrels, I flex my biceps and knockout motherfucking fans on the other side of the rope.
Whereas, my record is yet to be released. It is still in a brilliant inchoate form.
Whereas, like so many other successful rappers, I have not yet been signed by a major label. Like so many other successful rappers, I have not yet finished a song. Like so many other successful rappers, I have not yet started a song. Like so many other successful rappers, I have never rapped.
It is Resolved the I am the motherfucking greatest rapper of all time. (bitches)
(Seriously, get at me with some dope beats. We could collaborate.)
Hard,
T-$Money
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