ducks in a row

I included the following in my weekly update email to the grad students in Psychology.  I sent out the email this afternoon:

"Hi all,

In my unrelenting campaign to provide on-campus, off-campus, and, now, theoretical and English language resources, I would like to call into question the phrase, “get all my ducks in a row”. I hear this often in my position as a bureaucratic representative of the University. Many students, faculty and staff come into my office and say, “I need to start getting all my ducks in a row” or, “I need to get all my ducks in a row.” I guess my first question is who has all these ducks? Where do they live? Are they kept underground with the other secret animals? Do these ducks have post-it notes, posted to their green feathers with items from a to-do list? How long have you had your ducks? Is it hard for you to get your ducks in a row (it seems like if you have ducks, it shouldn’t be that hard to get them in a row, but maybe it is! I have no idea)? Do your ducks tend to line up in curvy fashion? And, here, I’m just curious, is there like a Mother Duck with a row of little ducklings?

I have no problem with the phrase, “get all my ducks in a row” per se. However, I have recognized that certain phrases get used by people in academia to signify some deeper intelligence. Take for example the graduate student who hears her professor say, “I need to get all my ducks in a row.” Now this graduate student immediately attributes certain positive qualities to this phrase. She will think, “Since my extremely successful and esteemed professor has used this colloquial phrase to indicate she is trying to take some set of necessary steps that will lead to some hoped for outcome, I too should use this colloquial phrase when I find myself in a similar situation. Using this phrase will make me sound smart.” My question is, is the phrase “get all my ducks in a row,” an inherently sophisticated and erudite collection of words?

No, I don’t think so. Any writing instructor worth her weight in salt of the earth will tell you to avoid using clichés and try to be original with language. Therefore, I would like to offer some alternatives to “getting all your ducks in a row”. How ‘bout, “I need to gather all my buffaloes in a line,” or if you want to stick with the feathered friends angle, “I need to get all my pigeons in their boxes” or “I’ve got to get all my pelicans in a floating column” or if you want to leave the animal kingdom behind “I need to put all my laundry in the washing machine and then take it out and put it in the dryer and then take it out and fold all the clothes and put them in the proper drawer.” That might be too long.

Of course, the rejoinder to my “argument” might be: this is how language works. People use the phrase, “I need to get all my ducks in a row” because there is a common understanding of what it means. If you were to go into your faculty advisor’s office and say, “I need to gather all my buffaloes in a line,” you might encounter some confusion, at best. I do not recommend using the buffalo phrase as a substitute without first pointing out the arbitrary nature of “ducks in a row” and clarifying your desire to offer something original and fresh.

“I need to get all my ducks in a row” is an arbitrary use of language. My point is that the same idea could be communicated in a different and possibly more original manner. HOWEVER, if you like the phrase, “I need to get all my ducks in a row,” by all means, keep using it! It’s kindof cute thinking of the little ducks and you scurrying around to make them line up and the ducks waddling in whatever direction they like. No negative judgment here, just a desire to offer up other possibilities."

with lots of Bon Iver love,
Anthony