love what is love

I recorded this “song” on my iPhone.  I don’t even play the guitar or sing, but I recorded myself playing the guitar and singing.   I don’t know what it is, but it came from inside me and I felt a fever tonight and I had to post it on facebook, I needed it to be out in the world in some small way, I couldn’t hold on to it or keep it a secret any more, it needed to be outside of me.  But do you have any idea how terrifying this is?! (not “that is”, but “this is” because it’s happening right now.)  Sometimes I listen to the “song” I just posted and think, jesus that is really shitty, just serious crap, but then I listen to it again and hear something beautiful.   I’m not sure which is scarier, the shit or the beauty.  Either way it had to come out.

I’m sorry don’t apologize.

Is it really that hard?  Or is it really just this easy?  I don’t know.  I know what I like and what I like isn’t liked by everyone, but it’s also not not liked by everyone.  There is some balance, right?  Some justice in the cosmos turning towards infinity, but simple.  I still don’t know.  Some ying yang bullshit that is more real than infinity.  But doesn’t it all carry on, and don’t we just float in the bullshit hoping for the stars and night.  There is something so raw and alive in my yearning for the infinite night, by which I mean the safety and comfort of home.

And so what if the earth is the ID?  So what if we don’t know that the earth is actually sentient with an unconscious, our unconscious, desperate yearning for sexual and intellectual and existential blast-release-fall-comfort-safety.  Turn it on that shit eating grin.  Turn it on.

In the fear my cousin tells me that we will regret the creative impulses we suppress not those that we release into the world, suffering the cruelty of criticism and possibly the indignity of shame, BUT still it is in the world and it is safe and you, too, are safe, and you, too, are beautiful, more beautiful than you know.  And I know you’ve heard this before, but I’m not afraid to say it again.

Here is the song:

Walk Away

again with love,

Anthony

ps - The Middle East "Blood"